Have I told you my word for the year is ~ease~? It’s funny because that’s the last word I would use to describe the current emotional and mental state I’m in. Did I subconsciously choose a word to be able to mock myself eight months into the year?
It’s as if I’m doubling as both an angsty teenager with less than zero will to live whilst simultaneously mothering myself by walking a meter behind myself with a “chop chop” of the hands only a mother of a teenager can muster. I wake myself with a sigh each morning after snoozing the sh*t out of my alarm and drag myself to the kitchen table like a wet mop on its very last day of work (when it should have retired two months ago). I can’t decide what to eat, what to wear, what to do. The only way to not end up on the couch for an entire day is to make sure I’m constantly moving forward at a snail’s pace until I’m eventually standing outside glaring at the sun because how dare it be so intense and bright and sunshiny. But I know getting out of the house makes me feel better unlike my parents who let me stay in and sulk for all of my teenage years leading me to miss a third of all family memories the other parties of said family share and so I get myself out the door and then go do the first thing that comes to mind. Today, that meant taking the subway into town for a day at Stockholm’s fines department store, Nordiska Kompaniet (NK).
I don’t really know why I settled on this destination as it’s usually full of tourists, only sells a lot of expensive things that are astronomically out of my budget and is more or less a dark building with very little daylight. But as the sun was shining, giving its utter most on a fine August day, I ventured into the massive(ly expensive) cave that is NK. Okay so to paint you a bit of a backstory… When I was 12, we moved into an apartment that was very close to NK and so for the next seven years this was where I would do most of my grocery shopping (insane), look for a nail polish or some other trinket I could maybe afford, and generally just wander around with headphones in my ears to get out of my angsty teenage head for a while. My mum also worked in the interiors department for some years and I have some very fond memories of visiting her there, as she always welcomed us to hang out, talk to her colleagues, try the designer furniture and maybe even help out putting stickers on things or gift wrap something. So maybe that’s why it felt a little like a safe haven today when I needed to look at insanely pricy things and pretend I could afford them get out of my head.
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I started out on the ground level where all the perfumes and the makeup is. After having worked with perfume for almost three years I feel quite at home amongst the different glass bottles and confident enough to know which ones to pick up to get an approving look from the cashier. Yes, I needed this validation in order to feel better today — judge me all you want!!! After having tried the Aesop hand creams and the Laura Mercier highlighters I felt brave enough to venture into a more unknown territory: shoes and handbags. I was a little hesitant at first but after gently running my fingers along a couple of different lightweight I felt myself drawing closer to the heavy stuff. And there it was, the Khaite Lotus. Needless to say the three seconds I wore it on my shoulder will live with me for a long time because I refuse to shower for at least two weeks now.
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To give myself a little breather after that high intensity workout I took myself to the aptly named pasta bar “Oil & Olive” to treat myself to a nice classic pasta pesto. Delicious aaand nutritious. The beast in me had however awoken and was hungry for more so I quickly made my way up up up the escalators and went through Acne, Max Mara, Baum und Pferdgarten, Proenza Schouler, Dagmar, Toteme and the entire lingerie section like my life depended on it. Did I find the perfect wedding dress for the wedding I haven’t yet been proposed to be a part of? Yes. Did I try on every single pair of Celine sunglasses just for the hell of it? Also yes. I felt the life in me slowly seep back into my veins through the soft, crisp textures of the unattainable garments I creepily stroked my hand against as I walked along the rows of hangers. I felt like Carrie Bradshaw, Kate Middleton, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley and Mia Thermopolis all wrapped into one rich and fabulous(ly awkward) human being.
Eventually the thrill started wearing off slightly, I started to feel peckish again (why are all the most expensive dished always served in the tiniest of portions) and I was missing my boys back home. There’s not really much more to tell, other than that I picked up a $4 pack of Yatzee in a toy store and a travel-sized hair mask with cooling tones (to try and deal with the fact that I’ve dyed my hair the exact same colour it already was) and made my way back out into the suburbs.
Honestly, best day I’ve had in a while.
The hand caption made me laugh out loud - I’ve done this photo many times with the same feeling 😂
I find pasta to be the answer to everything 💞